Loved this, Heather! My mind's blown along with yours--what a GREAT way to frame this particular kind of exhaustion. I keep saying to my husband that current ideas about gentle/respectful parenting (which I like and want to implement) are EXHAUSTING in the exact way you describe. No one talks about how tiring it is to constantly make things fun for our kids to do (won't put on pants? let's make up a game to see how fast you can do it!) or to see and weather their emotions rather than shutting them down, or in the case of my daughter, nonstop pretend play. I'm so tired from not only the decision-making, but also putting on one-act plays all day. No wonder I desperately want to phone-scroll at the end of the day, or have little emotional bandwidth for a story my husband or my mom is telling me. I used it all up! Thank you for this helpful reframe <3
Ooh, Jill, SO well said! I think they'd call this "Intensive parenting." And you're right, it's taxing. I especially hear you re: that whole "make it fun, make it a game!" thing. We only have so much bandwidth. Why are we expecting so much from parents (often women/mothers)? We might need to save some of that "make it a game" creativity for our own work, or even our own play.
This is such a validating article for my entire summer where I accomplished very little other than reading a bunch of books. No projects, no real big plans, not a lot of thinking.
Interesting and affirming Heather, thanks! I just listened to the audiobook “When the Body Says No” by Gabor Mate, MD, which has some similar ideas about what happens to us physically when we repress our true emotions.
Wow, I absolutely loved this post. Thank you for sharing this research and for breaking it down so beautifully for us. This helps me name how I've been feeling, which is a huge release. Thank you.
Thanks so much for sharing this perspective on Willpower with us! This is one of the most helpful things I’ve ever read on parenting, and you know as a fellow extreme parent-er that is saying a lot.
I’ve been homeschooling the kids for 11 years now and have really been feeling the toll of all the emotional labor/regulation recently. Thanks for sharing this!
this is so great, Heather, and really helpful for so many of my own feelings about the close of summer (and end of my sabbatical year, sob). thanks especially for the term "August-scaries," which captures so much!
This is huge. Maybe it explains why I could never control my eating when my kids were at home, but once they grew up and moved out, I finally had enough sustainable willpower to overcome my lifelong eating disorder. Hmmm.
This explains absolutely everything about our family dynamics, summer or otherwise. Multiple neurodiverse diagnoses add a whoooooole other layer of masking and complexity. Thanks for sharing!
I think you just explained why I find the weekends my boys are with their dad so restorative. I had been thinking it was the quiet, but they’re not really so loud anymore, so it didn’t really fit. I bet this is it. Thank you.
Loved this, Heather! My mind's blown along with yours--what a GREAT way to frame this particular kind of exhaustion. I keep saying to my husband that current ideas about gentle/respectful parenting (which I like and want to implement) are EXHAUSTING in the exact way you describe. No one talks about how tiring it is to constantly make things fun for our kids to do (won't put on pants? let's make up a game to see how fast you can do it!) or to see and weather their emotions rather than shutting them down, or in the case of my daughter, nonstop pretend play. I'm so tired from not only the decision-making, but also putting on one-act plays all day. No wonder I desperately want to phone-scroll at the end of the day, or have little emotional bandwidth for a story my husband or my mom is telling me. I used it all up! Thank you for this helpful reframe <3
Ooh, Jill, SO well said! I think they'd call this "Intensive parenting." And you're right, it's taxing. I especially hear you re: that whole "make it fun, make it a game!" thing. We only have so much bandwidth. Why are we expecting so much from parents (often women/mothers)? We might need to save some of that "make it a game" creativity for our own work, or even our own play.
This is such a validating article for my entire summer where I accomplished very little other than reading a bunch of books. No projects, no real big plans, not a lot of thinking.
Interesting and affirming Heather, thanks! I just listened to the audiobook “When the Body Says No” by Gabor Mate, MD, which has some similar ideas about what happens to us physically when we repress our true emotions.
Wow, I absolutely loved this post. Thank you for sharing this research and for breaking it down so beautifully for us. This helps me name how I've been feeling, which is a huge release. Thank you.
Thank you! Also, Emily, I’ve read FEED! It’s gorgeous.
Thank you so much, Heather. That means a lot to me 💛
Thanks so much for sharing this perspective on Willpower with us! This is one of the most helpful things I’ve ever read on parenting, and you know as a fellow extreme parent-er that is saying a lot.
I’ve been homeschooling the kids for 11 years now and have really been feeling the toll of all the emotional labor/regulation recently. Thanks for sharing this!
this is so great, Heather, and really helpful for so many of my own feelings about the close of summer (and end of my sabbatical year, sob). thanks especially for the term "August-scaries," which captures so much!
I love this. Needed this. Thank you.
This is huge. Maybe it explains why I could never control my eating when my kids were at home, but once they grew up and moved out, I finally had enough sustainable willpower to overcome my lifelong eating disorder. Hmmm.
This explains absolutely everything about our family dynamics, summer or otherwise. Multiple neurodiverse diagnoses add a whoooooole other layer of masking and complexity. Thanks for sharing!
I think you just explained why I find the weekends my boys are with their dad so restorative. I had been thinking it was the quiet, but they’re not really so loud anymore, so it didn’t really fit. I bet this is it. Thank you.